I awoke this morning thinking about this question. It was my intent to immediately come here and write down my thoughts. It is now mid-afternoon and I am finally getting to it.
Valentine's day is tomorrow and that is probably what brought the topic to mind. That and some things I have read and heard recently. So now I will try to sort it all out and make some sense of the question.
It seems that for a person to love and respect others one thing is imperative. One must love and respect oneself first. Narcissists do NOT fit into this category. They are probably at the opposite end of the spectrum.
The ancient Greeks and Michael use the term agape to talk about a universal, higher order of love. As I understand it respect is a part of this love. I do not intend to list the levels of love. It seems appropriate to recall some instances wherein I felt love, or didn't.
Early on in my life it was quite easy to look on lust as love. It is NOT, as pleasurable as it might be. No, love is realizing that you are willing to do a variety of actions for your loved ones that may not always be pleasurable in the moment. Upon reflection you get a great deal of satisfaction for having behaved in the manner you did. It may require acting in a way that others might call a sacrifice. It is not. It is the right thing to do.
While laying in bed this morning, I began to reflect on the topic and how it manifests itself in my life. For most of my life, my mother never said she loved me. Lately, when she remembers or I say the words, she will end a phone call with the words, "I love you." However, there is something in both of our voices that suggests that we are just mouthing the words because it is the appropriate thing to say. This seems particularly important as she is nearing the end of her mission for this lifetime. However, it is a sham and I am not proud of my behavior. Perhaps we will straighten thing out upon my visit there next month.
On the other hand I can recall times when the girls have come to visit. The feeling I get when driving them to the airport is one of melancholy. I am missing them already and they haven't even gotten on the plane. That is another example of my love for them. I have similar feelings when I am away from home and Maryann. They are all so important in my life. I make it a point to say and mean, "I love you", to them whenever the opportunity arises. I also check my feelings at the time to insure it is coming from the love core of my heart and soul.
Since I have begun urging my students, and anyone who will listen, to serve others, care about those you serve, and share the love in your heart, my life has become richer.
The messages I have been paying attention to lately revolve around the concept of loving myself and sharing that love with everyone else. I believe what comes to me in my life is directly proportional to what I send out to the world. There are a great number of folks who are believing and acting this way. We are known as optimists. When asked how you are doing, think about this response: "Fantastic and getting better." I sincerely hope that the phrase resonates with you and you will consider adopting as your own. Or not. The choice is yours.
PS: Having just read this, I realize that it seems to be sadder than was my original intention. That is something to ponder and perhaps write to tomorrow.
May love and peace be with you all.
#372
5 comments:
trust me,jack
as I lay here, sick & in bed I read your words
and can say with 100 percent certainty, u are
loved by all who are lucky enuf 2 know u...
B
When I think back to my childhood, I don't remember anyone saying, "I Love You", especially not my parents. Think it was because that's the way they were brought up.
I decided when I get married some day, I would always tell my husband and children I love them on a daily basis. Have not strayed from that conviction in 41 years.
Did tell my parents I loved them into my adulthood but it always seemed unnatural. btw, they still couldn't say, "I Love You"... sad.
Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow, Jack! :o)
When we dropped you off at the airport after your 10 day stint at our work camp in October, I instantly missed you. I asked Kev if it was silly, since we'd all been getting on each others nerves towards the end (don't deny it). He said no, it wasn't silly.
I am thankful to A. have grown up in such a warm and amazing family who tells each other how much they love each other each time we speak/see one another. And B. to have grown up in OUR family.
Friends are sometimes envious of the relationship I have with you guys. I'm thankful and attempt to never take it for granted.
I love you so much. Thanks for loving us back and being willing to share those feelings, verbally.
bronxbt & Karen, thank you for your comments, insights, and friendship. You show a wonderful example of love.
Shannon, your comments bring tears of love to my eyes. I, too, am blessed. Thank you for choosing to be a part of our family.
Sometimes I think to say "I love you" is ok even if it is 'automatic' or 'polite' as it is a form of practise..and often with the words coming first the feeling is there later when we are not able to say it immediately.
When my dad was alive and he was being particularly difficult or cruel to me ( in his dementia) I would say it even though I was feeling grumpy and hurt with him. Now he is gone, I am glad I said it,particularly at that time. I think it mattered to him that he knew he had unconditional love from me, ESPECIALLY at those times when he was least 'loveable'.
It is easy to say those words when all is going well (those who have children will know what I mean) but sometimes it is healing to say it when it is least felt..coz then it is a pathway to healing.
Like Karen, I have dedicated myself to telling all connected to me that I love them every day, but especially on the days when they are at their most unlovely/unloveable.
Great post Jack.
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