Serve with integrity. Care about those you serve. Share the love in your heart & soul.

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

"Whose On First?"

 Thanks, Orv. 

If you have been around a while this reference will make lots more sense. If Bud & Lou aren't familiar. try google.


In the spirit of "Whose On First?" .... Ya gotta love it!
If only it wasn't so true & absurd!
cid:C649098A29A34251801F7C0765B722BD@YOUR092DBBD569
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%

COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.

ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 7.8%.

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%?

ABBOTT: 7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, Congress said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how they get it to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%. Our govt. doesn't want you to read about 14.7% unemployment.

COSTELLO: That would be tough on those running for reelection. 
ABBOTT: Absolutely!
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an Economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Congress.

Monday, December 31, 2012

#863 Truths known only to an avid golfer!


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Don 't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your
mind during your swing.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard,
 you can either use one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
 

The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.


No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.

Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
 

A golf match is a test of your skill against your
 opponent's luck.

It is surprisingly easy to hole a 30 foot putt. For a 10.

Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

It's not a gimme if you're still away.
 

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.
 

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.


When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two double bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back-swing by his handicap; i.e., back-swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing = 300 mph.

There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

Hazards attract; fairways repel.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint

It's easier to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00 AM to mow the grass.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you spend longer praying than you would do in church.

A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you are....that's why I get so many calls to play with friends.

If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of
your life.

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.


It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse)...
 

It takes longer to learn to be a good
  golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't  get to ride around on a cart, drink  beer, and eat hot dogs when you are performing brain surgery !!!



#863

Saturday, August 25, 2012

#862 Here and Now

Living in the here and now has been touted by a number of folks. It would seem that the only reality we experience is the reality of the moment. To get a better idea of how this occurs, pay attention to a child. Watching our three year old grandson brought this home to me. He is totally immersed in whatever he is doing at the moment. Others can be included, but he is in the moment at all times.

It is a treat to observe him and participate in his activities when appropriate. I prefer to observe. He is learning about his environment, language, relationships, things, and people. Some of the lessons are more difficult and others seem to come naturally. It is particularly fascinating when he repeats words, phrases or actions a number of times. These are the times he is making that reality his own. These are the times when he is learning the most. These are the times that others need not necessarily intrude. What a treat to be able to observe and learn.

The other morning as I was stirring for the day the thought crossed my mind that there just might be another time in life when a person can live in the "here and now". That time occurs as we are "advancing in our maturity". I have had the privilege to exist in this lifetime for seven decades. As each day passes I am made aware of the "here and now" when I am unable to remember things/activities/comments that I just made. That "here and now" has passed and I am in the current "here and now". Even as I am writing this I am aware of the words in the paragraphs above. They are part of my "here and now" for the moment.a  Will I remember it ten minutes from now? Probably. But, only because I will place a reference to it at a place in cyber-space that I visit regularly.
As I am writing this there is some very pleasant jazz being played on iTunes. I do remember how to access it so all is not lost. I do get concerned at times when some things, like peoples' names are not readily accessible. Thank goodness Maryann and I are able to help the other fill in the blanks. However, that sometimes takes a day or two.

So rather than stew about it, I will just remember the example young Eli is setting for me, the quiet jazz, the click of the keys on the keyboard, etc. and all will be well. That is when I do remember. Now to enjoy the "here and now" and rejoice that I can.

Love, peace and prosperity to all who chance upon these words.


#862

Monday, August 20, 2012

#861 Retired Green Beret Shoots Intruder, Gets Court Martial

Thanks, Vern.


     
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Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial.
BREVARD Jan. 19, 2008 – Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling good about it.  Taylor, at age 80 the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association, was on trial by his peers under the charge of “failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber” in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN. in December. The entire affair, of course, was very much tongue in cheek.  Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home.  He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.  When the intruder threatened him with a knife,Taylor warned him, then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes. “That boy had the hardest head I’ve ever seen,” Taylorsaid after his trial. “The bullet bounced right off.” The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County jail. The charges against Taylorwere considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and Vietnam.  “Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial,” said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long ofAsheville. “He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn’t big enough to get the job done.” Taylor defense attorney, another retired Weapons Sergeant, disagreed. He saidTaylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a .22. "If he’d used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor’s wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed,” he said. “I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He did nothing wrong, and clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man.” Counsel for the defense then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp’s forehead. 
 "He was victimized by old ammunition,” he said, “just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II.” Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. After the trial, he said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house. "I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead,” Taylor said. “It was good for both of us that it didn’t.” Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted of the charges and was given a round of applause.
Meanwhile, back in KnoxCounty, the word is out:
Don’t go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

Tribune Editor Bill Fishburne is a member of the Larry Thorne Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association
.

#861