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Friday, September 10, 2010

#766 Golf Humor

Thanks, Vern P.

Golf  is harder than baseball.

In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

My Favorite Photos For Any day 

Off the  seventh tee, Pete sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He  took
his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in  search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at  the underbrush, he spotted something
glistening in the leaves.  As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an
eight iron in  the hands of a skeleton!
Pete immediately called out to his  friend, "Frank, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the  matter?" Frank asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my  wedge," Pete shouted.. "You can't get out of here with
an  eight iron. 

The  schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word  spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t  is correct,'' he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you  want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same  thing."

The  owner of a golf course was confused about
paying an invoice,  so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help.  He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from  the University of Tennessee and I need some help.
If I  were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take  off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then  replied,
 'Everything but my  earrings.' 


My five-year-old nephew wanted to caddy for my brother's  golf game.
"You have to count my strokes," my brother told  him.
"How much is six plus nine plus eight?"
"Five,"  answered the nephew.
"Okay," my brother said, "let's  go.."

Golf  can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured  by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.   
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left  and the ball goes right. The lowest score wins.
And on top of  that, the winner buys the drinks.
A 'gimme' can best be defined  as an agreement between two golfers ...neither of whom can  putt very well.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the  pencil.

Scratch  Golfer
Two  women were put together as partners in the club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After  introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your  handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other  replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman suitably impressed  that she was
 paired up with her.
"Yes, I  write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!"  


1 comment:

Merle said...

Hi Jack ~~ I enjoyed all the golf jokes as well as the pictures, although I have never played golf. Thank you for your comments and I really enjoyed the visit by those boys who have been friends for 40 years and are more like brothers.
I am glad you enjoyed the History lessons and the joke. I didn't know you were an M.P. when on active duty. Thought you may not approve the nun and soldier joke, but glad you did.
Take care my friend, Regards, Merle.