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Sunday, September 06, 2009

#636 Don't Mess With Old People!!!

Every once in a while you read something on someone's blog that is too good not to "borrow", Thanks to Merle and Patty. Have a great laugh and don't mess with old people. snerx.

One from my friend, Patty called "Grandpa." Thanks Patty.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment. Which you say that you win money from gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it." says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "OK, go ahead." Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "It's a bet." Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it, The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa takes out his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three thousand dollars, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side or your desk, and pee into that waste-basket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old man could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands on one side of the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the waste-basket on the other side. so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor;s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you OK?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."



Karen said...


Puss-in-Boots said...

HAhahahahaha! I love that, Jack!

Merle said...

Hello Jack ~~ Good post - thanks for the mention, it was a good joke.
Sarah has been trying to comment on your blog and I don't know if she knows your"2 say what" and after we press post comment, another comes up with the letters to type before it'd be accepted. I will try to tell her. Wish us both luck.
I see Peter posted the item you put on about My father does not drive.
I really loved that story. Bye now
Cheers, Merle.

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. Now that's a good one. Bwahahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day Jack. :)

Skunkfeathers said...

I'll bet the IRS is still looking for ways to assess penileties and interest on grandpa...*ducking boos and throwd tax returns*