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Friday, March 20, 2009

#579 Lovemaking tips for Seniors


Thanks, Vern.


1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.


8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

(I posted this in large type so you can read it.)


#579

12 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Oh Lord. So this is what we have to look forward to. Yikes. I hope we can laugh trough all of it though. Well, if we can remember to do so.

Have a terrific day and weekend. :)

Karen said...

ROTFLMAO!

(bold print is so we all can read this!)

=grin=

Peter said...

I appreciate the humour of this post Jack,
BTW Sandee, some of us have this to look BACK on!!!!!!!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Wot's lovemaking??? No, don't answer that...

Christina said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Angela Marie said...

I am with Sandee!
I am laughing and then realize, 'What?! Is this what I get to look forward to?'

:D

The Phosgene Kid said...

Sex you say? What's that??

Sarah Sofia Ganborg said...

good one!
but I'd better not show this to as friend of mine. her boyfriend did actually really get a stroke shortly hafter they had made love and died a few days later... and the rediculous thing is: they had wanted to get married for years, but he always said, he was too old fror her and what if he should die... well it finally happened and they hadn't even had a wedding! really sad!

Skunkfeathers said...

The subject of "senior sex" came up at work the other day (pun intended), with the younger sect making fun of yours truly and an older member of the group. While the other just shook his head and made no comment, I don't tweak easy: I just told 'em that I had a hard and fast rule: if it gets hard, I'd better use it fast.

I'll print this list and take it to 'em ;)

Merle said...

Dear Jack ~~ Thank you for sharing the Senior Tips. So funny.
Thanks also for your kind words about myself and my posts. I hope to do another tomorrow.
My driver was not at fault, a lady had an epileptic fit and ran into 3 cars and the last one ran into another. The last 2 were stationary.
Glad you liked the jokes. What does snerx mean? I have led a very sheltered life!!! Take care,
Regards, Merle.

Maithri said...

Thanks so much for the laugh my friend, ;)

I also wanted to thank you for the light which you bring to the world.

You're a great man.

Wishing you peace and passion,

Maithri

The Real Mother Hen said...

Ha this is really funny. I fell off my chair laughing :)