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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

#554 SERENITY

Thanks, Jackie. Perhaps more than 10 others will see this, or not. snerx.


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.

'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing

About being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications that

Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia .

Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

So I got my doctor's permission to

Join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,

By the time I got my leotards on,

The class was over.


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises

As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff

In my shopping cart says,

' For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

The eyesight to tell the difference.




#554

3 comments:

Merle said...

Hello Jack ~~ Some very good jokes there and the Senility Prayer.
Hope all is well at your house. Glad you liked the story about The right
place. And for posting it.
I hope you found your CARD, you never know when you might need it. I watched as President Obama became the President at his inauguration
Take care, Regards, Merle.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Love you new header. Awesome.

Bwahahahaha on all the jokes about old age. Wait, those aren't jokes. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Hey you took down the dementia test. I flunked that dang thing too.

Have a great day. :)