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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

#441 Things Learned Visiting Texas

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas .

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas , plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5. "Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

7. "Jaw-P?" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. "Fixinto" is one word. As in, “I’m fixinto go to the store in a minute.”

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. Teas is always sweet. Texans do seem to like a little tea in their sugar.

12. Backwards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. The word "jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.

16. "No. Jew?" is a common response to the question "Did you bring any beer?"

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

20. You know what a "DAWG" is.

21. You carry jumper cables in your car --- for your OWN car.

22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony's, Tabasco and Ketchup.

23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".

26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as "goin' Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally World".

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

30. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.

31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from Texas.

32. When asked what kinda coke you want the proper response is dr pepper.



Fred said...

I wish I read something like this when I moved to London. It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

In any case, I feel like I'm ready for that trip to Texas I've been putting off.

Karen said...

"There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas"

And the most poisonous one is BUSH!!

bronxbt said...

this'll all come in handy during my 3 day trip to austin this weekend thru monday for business.

thanks jack, you allllways find a way to make me smile.


Polly said...

33, If someone is killing their own citizens by state sanctions than you are in Texas

Hale McKay said...

They have some of the flat animals what sleep on the roads in Wes'Virginny too. They usually end up on someone's supper table.

Gail said...

My teacher friend who is from Texas howled when I shared these with her. She kept saying, "That's true!" The only one she thinks is more true in PA is #24.

She is going to share them with her sister later this month when she comes for a visit from TX. Thanks for making Marilyn's day!