#861 Retired Green Beret Shoots Intruder, Gets Court Martial

Thanks, Vern.

     

Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial.

BREVARD , Jan. 19, 2008 – Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling good about it.  Taylor, at age 80 the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association, was on trial by his peers under the charge of “failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber” in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN. in December. The entire affair, of course, was very much tongue in cheek.  Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home.  He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.  When the intruder threatened him with a knife,Taylor warned him, then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes. “That boy had the hardest head I’ve ever seen,” Taylorsaid after his trial. “The bullet bounced right off.” The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County jail. The charges against Taylorwere considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and Vietnam.  “Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial,” said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long ofAsheville. “He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn’t big enough to get the job done.” Taylor defense attorney, another retired Weapons Sergeant, disagreed. He saidTaylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a .22. "If he’d used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor’s wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed,” he said. “I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He did nothing wrong, and clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man.” Counsel for the defense then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp’s forehead. 
 "He was victimized by old ammunition,” he said, “just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II.” Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. After the trial, he said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house. "I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead,” Taylor said. “It was good for both of us that it didn’t.” Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted of the charges and was given a round of applause.
Meanwhile, back in KnoxCounty, the word is out:Don’t go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

Tribune Editor Bill Fishburne is a member of the Larry Thorne Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association.

#861

#859 Vets Hats and Morons

Thanks, Bart,

Vet Hats and Morons A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Viet Nam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ron was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the store. But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vet Nam Vet?"

"No" I replied.

"Then why are you wearing that hat?"

"Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort. " 

The War of 1812, huh." the Walmartianqueried, "When was that?"

God forgive me, but I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"

He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"

"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.

"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"

"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage."

The moron nodded knowingly.

"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."

"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me" look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?" 

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?"

The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door.

By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.

After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat.

#859

#847 Female Marine Captain....Semper Fi

Thanks, Grier.

 Entering a classroom at MCAS, (Marine Corps Air Station) Yuma, a female Marine Captain encountered a clearly apathetic audience.  She was selected to provide a full hour's instruction on Iraqi electronic warfare capabilities to 150 Marine  aviators who showed by their body language deep skepticism about her ability to teach war fighting skills to an all-male  class.

She began by noting that her voice had just been tested to see if it was suitable for some new cockpit recorder messages for Marine aircraft.  She said that unfortunately she had not been selected to be the new “Bitching Betty.”

However, she said it was only fair to warn the audience the reason given for her non-selection was that an analysis of her voice pattern revealed that her particular voice had a tendency to lull to sleep any male homosexual within earshot.

The assembled officers shot upright in their chairs.  150 pairs of eyes were wide open and locked on her and stayed that way for the rest of the period.

Now don't you just love these female  Marines?

#847